


Dex's Failure

by ReachFor24



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Mild Comfort, Post Haus 2.0, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReachFor24/pseuds/ReachFor24
Summary: After moving to the basement and living in his bungalow, Dex is tired. Tired of everything.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Dex's Failure

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Suicide Idealization, Severe Depression, Suicide Attempt

It’s  long  a fter  his big blowout with Nursey,  a fter Dex screamed to the Haus “ I’m moving into the basement! Into the darkness!” and Dex is just tired. In his basement bungalow, alone and separated from e veryone else in the Haus. He can normally hear the footsteps of the other Haus residents above him ( Bitty’s dancing in the kitchen, Chowder’s footfalls as he rushes  downstairs , Nur sey tripping every so often as he went from room to roo m). But right now, the Haus is eerily quiet. Looking out the small  basement  window in his bungalow, all Dex sees is the darkness of an early  Febr uary morning. 

Another sleepless night. Dex’s mind racing over his time at Samwell.  All the interactions with his teammates. And all his mind can do is beat him down. More and more as he goes over every bad  moment he’s had since coming to Samwell.  All coming ahead with him moving down here. 

While he’s tried to make this space at least tolerable, remodeling it to be the nicest room in the Haus, that work wasn’t enough to push his demons out of his h ead. When he screamed out his intent, nobody seemed to notice or care. Bitty and Ford just continued their conversation . Nursey stayed silent and let  him move out,  wearing what Dex swears is his smug grin. Seeing that damn smirk as he tore down his Fortress of Solitude and moved his meager possessions downstairs broke something in Dex. 

He thought they were better friends than this. That Nursey wasn’t  actually trying to kick him out of their shared room.  That through their  conf l icting personalities they were cohabiting just fine. But that damn smirk just screamed to Dex Nursey’s intent. That having a room in the Haus to himself was worth throwing away their  friendship. 

Ever since then, Dex has kept to himself. Leaving his basement room only for the essential s (food, classes, hockey, building supplies,  etc ).  He knows he’s ignoring the rest of the team. But he can’t help if the best friendship he thought he had here at Samwell was just a sham. Just a tool used by Nursey to eventually get his way. 

Once he sees his clock tick over to 3:30am, Dex sits up from his bed. He’s tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Nursey. Tired of his ‘friends’ here. Tired of h ockey. Tired of Samwell. 

Going over his head, he knows he can’t afford to transfer. He barely scraps by here on a full-ride hockey scholarship (one of the few full scholarships  players on the team).  He wouldn’t be able to afford any other school, not even something close enough to home to live in his parent’s house. And i t’s too late in his time here to reasonabl y transfer to another hockey school. If he was a freshman or sophomore maybe, but not after 3 years of college hockey.  Only a desperate school would take a defenseman in for just a year. 

Dex realizes he’s trapped here. Trapped at Samwell. Trapped living in the damn basement of their dilapidated team house. Like a fucking rat. Living here for another year and a half might kill him. 

Oh. 

That’s his one out. Death. Let himself die and he’ll be free. Free of his indentured servitude to SMH. Und er a captaincy more worried about his NHL-boyfriend than his team. And once Bitty graduates,  more than likely  under a captaincy of his former  best friend , with Dex only seeing that fucking grin as he moved out. His mind telling him it was almost a full smile. 

Death is looking like his best option. Unwilling to let himself be stuck here for another year and a half. Unwilling to just drop out, give up his scholarship, and work his hands to the bone for the rest of his life. Unwilling to let himself suffer any longer. 

His mind in a haze, not willing to think any deeper than ‘I need out of this hellhole,’ Dex finds what would work bes t. A length of rope under his bed. Pulling it out, he doesn’t think as his hands work on tying the rope into a hangman’s noose. Giving a quick look over, almost  unconsciously checking to make sure it should work, he looks up, finding an exposed floor joist with enough room to tie the no ose up. 

Grabbing his desk chair, he gingerly climbs on it to tie the noose up, making sure there’s enough distance so his toes won’t find any floor to touch once he kicks his chair to the side. Far enough from anything to allow himself to dangle with no out. 

Before he wrapped the noose around his neck, Dex gave a cursory glance to his room. His door is locked ( something he  beated to himself to do down here after Nursey barged into his Fortress of Solitude). His bed rumpled from laying in it without sleeping the past few nights.  The only picture he has on his wall being a selfie taken last year with Chowder and Nursey. Nursey grinning to the camera, Chowder beaming with his braces still on, and Dex giving a sheepish smile as Nursey took the picture. 

As a tear runs down his left cheek, he wraps the noose around his neck and prepares himself. ‘This is your out’ he tells himself. ‘Stuck here will kill you anyways’ he reasons. 

With that and taking one last breath, he kicked his desk chair from under himself, letting it topple over. 

*

Dex wakes up, on the floor in his bungalow.  His first thought being ‘Am I dead?’ as he takes in his surroundings. He realizes that he’s still in his bungalow. Moving his hand to his face, he feels the noose still tied around his neck.  Startled for a moment, out of his earlier haze, he tears the noose off his neck, wincing as his fingers accidently dig into the rope burn around his neck. 

Looking around, he first sees his desk chair, laying on  its side. Looking up, he sees a broken floor joist, the wood weakened from age and breaking. 

It hits Dex what he just did. What he survived. He tried talking to himself for a moment, barely letting out a raspy whisper before stopping. His throat is burning in pain, both on the inside and around his neck. 

Dex gets off the floor, stumbling into the bathroom he made for his bungalow, looking into the horrific sight in his mirror. 

He sees the dark bruising around his neck. He sees his face flushed. He sees the tear tracks on his cheeks. 

Feeling the bruising, he winces as he gently touches it. Where the rope dug into his neck, attacking the arteries and his windpipe. 

Staring at himself in the mirror, he cries. Crying that he’s such a failure that he can’t kill himself properly. Crying that he’s stuck here. Stuck with this damn team and this damn school and this damn life. 

His ears barely hear the banging on his door as he continues to cry. His mind is screaming to let whoever is at his door to stay out. To not let them see how much of a failure Dex is. Bu t his body decides otherwise, letting himself openly sob as he walks to his door. 

Unlocking it and opening it, Dex is greeted to Nursey, seemingly still half asleep, hair messed by his sleep. Dex can only keep on crying, his body unwilling to  do anything else as he walks back to his bed. He knows what it looks like. The noose still laying on the floor. The chair still on  its side. The bruising on his neck. But Dex just sits down on his bed, head laying on his knees, crying into his pajama pants. 

He hears Nursey walk in, notices his pause as he takes in the room and sight. Looking up behind tear-filled eyes, he sees Nursey stiff , wearing a decidedly unchill face. Looking at where his eyes are pointed, he sees Nursey staring at the noose. Looking back at Nursey, their eyes lock and Dex lets out another sob, tears still making rivers on his cheeks and looks back down. Unwilling to see Nursey’s next reaction. 

After what feels like an eternity crying, Dex feels his bed dip down and then a weight on him. Nursey is hugging him. Barely behind his own sobbing, he hear s Nursey’s breath, shallow and thick as Nursey himself cries. 

Dex leans into Nursey’s weight, unwilling to give this moment up . E ven if it’s with his  ex- friend.  Dex can only wish for this to have ended differently. Maybe instead going to school at  UMaine .  Maybe be more stubborn with his place in Lardo’s old room. Maybe wish for the floor joist to be  sturdier . Maybe wish for himself to be found  hanging off the noose, long dead, instead of found a failure by Nursey. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Johnny Cash's "Hurt" on repeat as I wrote this. Had this idea for awhile and had the urge to write it. Start to finish took about an hour and a half, unedited but just wanted it out here. First posted attempt at a much darker/sadder tone. 
> 
> And no, I don't actually believe in this story Nursey was attempting to push Dex out. Dex's mind is twisting his memories to make him think so. 
> 
> Depending on the ending you want, you could ignore everything after the asterisk. Let Dex be successful instead.


End file.
